he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
