I love black thongs
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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