you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
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