I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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