Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
