Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
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