This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
