So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
