I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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