Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
