the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
