Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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