Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
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