Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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