I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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