I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
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