Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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