its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
