We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
