And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
