I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
Randomize
