He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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