Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I just gift wrapped bread.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
