I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
one might say we're banned from that church
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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