goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
i think my cat just said my name.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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