he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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