the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
