No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
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