I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
