Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
