I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
