Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
