it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize