guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
