Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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