dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
false alarm. still invincible.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
