You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
