dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
being pregnant is like rehab
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
