i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
