I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
