Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
