All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Randomize
