and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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