I showed him my bush... on skype.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
