just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Ladies don't puke and tell
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize