His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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