Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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