It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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