i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
