guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
