my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
