I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
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