Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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