K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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