needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
