Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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