i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize