i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Your cock deserves a montage
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
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