is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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