I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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