New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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