No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
you never un-have a 4some
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
