We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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