she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Randomize
