ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
The adults are the big ones right?
Randomize
