I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
His hands were made for my vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
