but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
