fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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