Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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