Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
