Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Of course I have a pirate flag
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
