we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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