wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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